Meet the parents [TG, MC, AP]

 

“Right this way” the waiter led the group to their table. It had been a long time since they’d been able to make time to get together, but Ryan, Leo, Tom and Lucy had finally found a common gap in their schedules. It had been so long that the friends had decided a simple enough dinner outing was a good opportunity to catch up with each other. And so, here they were, visiting the best “fine but not too fancy” establishment they could find. Ryan was probably the most eager. Truthfully, this were by far his closest friends, so he had sorely missed the level of social interaction that they brought. He understood, of course. They were all in their early twenties, all entering the true beginning of their adult lives, so naturally the social life was put on the back burner for a while. But still, he was glad to be back.

Finally, the friends arrived at their table. It was near the back of the restaurant, not that it really mattered to any of them. Eagerly, Ryan and Leo called dibs on the booth seats, Leo taking his place to the right of Ryan. Meanwhile, Lucy and Tom were forced to settle for the less comfortable wooden seats opposite.

“Can I get you anything to start with?” The waiter asked, as the group took their seats. A questioning look between them all signalled nothing in particular.

“Uhh, just some water for the table, thanks!” Lucy broke the silence, politely. The waiter nodding as he walked away.

“So, what’s everyone been up to?” Tom asked, attempting to initiate the conversation. “Lucy, are you still working that tech job?”

“You mean the help desk at the Apple Store?” The young blonde responded, with a small but respectful level of sarcasm. “Yeah, I am.”

“Oh, how’s that going?” Tom responded, optimistically ignorant of her apparent distaste.

“Don’t even get me started!” She replied. “It’s the 21st century, you’d think the average person would know how to operate a smartphone!” Ryan smiled sincerely at her comments. If anybody was bound for a fancy tech job, it was going to be Lucy. It was amazing how quickly those sorts of things came to her. She was a bit stuck now, but she’d get her break soon enough.

The conversation was interrupted by the arrival of a jug of water.

“Ah, thank you.” Leo motioned, as the waiter poured a glass for each and every one of them, before placing the jug on the table and taking his leave. Boisterously, the young man raised his glass, as if to start a sarcastic toast. Joyfully, the rest of the group followed suit, raising their own glasses in the air.

“To us!” Leo playfully exclaimed, the friends cheering as they clinked their glasses and took a sip, Lucy and Ryan pulling a face as they swallowed.

“Ew, is this sparkling water?” Ryan coughed, the unexpected sizzle in his throat catching him off guard, the sensation following through his body and into his stomach.

“I think so…” Leo agreed, slightly less fazed but still equally disappointed in the beverage.

“Should we get it changed?” Lucy pitched.

“Guys, it’s free!” Tom chirped in response. “I’d have preferred still too, but hey, it is what it is.” The group all silently nodded in acknowledgement, putting the issue behind them.

*five minutes later*

“…and I’ll have the penne arrabbiata, thanks.” Tom finished, as the waiter took their food orders. It had been a good start to the night, and the conversation was flowing. It was as if the group had never been apart.

“Very good. And for drinks?” The waiter asked.

“I’ll have a white wine, thanks.” Ryan said, before pausing. White whine? Really? He was always more of a beer guy, yet the words ‘white wine’ had just slipped out. Too socially awkward to correct himself, Ryan shrugged internally. What was the harm in trying something different?

“I’ll have a pint of Guinness.” Leo boasted, ever the man’s man.

“A white wine for me, too, please.” Lucy added. Finally, the waiter looked at Tom.

“Just a coke for me, please.” He uttered, much to the surprise of the group.

“Very well.” The waiter responded, before recapping the order and making haste again.

“A coke?” Ryan asked, sniggering. “What happened to Mr. Heavy drinker?”

“We’re at a restaurant, not a bar.” Tom smiled in response. “And besides, I’m driving.” Ryan was especially taken aback by the second statement.

“Driving? You don’t drive!” Ryan responded, smiling, but certainly not joking.

“Of course I do! I’m parked outside!” Tom replied.

“But… I met you at the train station?” Ryan reiterated, “you’re not fooling me!”

Tom, in response, was a mixture of amused and confused.

“Fooling you? No, you’re fooling me! I promise I drove here, I came with Lucy, of course!” Tom explained.

“It’s true.” Lucy said calmly. “Are you sure you’ve not been drinking already Ryan?”

Ryan was flabbergasted. Turning to Leo, he was met by an equally amused face. Clearly, he was in on it. Huffing, Ryan concluded that this was some kind of pre planned practical joke. He was used to these sort of encounters in the friend group, and decided not to give them the satisfaction of continuing with the bit.

“Ah, here’s the drinks!” Tom proclaimed, as the waiter carefully placed each drink by each person. Picking up his wine, Ryan motioned to Lucy to clink their glasses, the latter complying. As they did so, Ryan noticed something off… Lucy’s hand was, in the most polite way, ever so slightly wrinkled. The hand befitted someone in their late 40’s to early 50’s, not a 23 year old woman like Lucy. Looking up, the young man was dumbfounded.

The woman sat in front of him was not Lucy. Nono, the woman sat in front of him was middle aged. She’d aged well, for sure, but she was undeniably older.

“I… uh… Lucy… are…” Ryan stammered, unsure of what to say.

“Yes, my love?” The woman responded, a gentle smile across her face.

“You… who are you..?” Ryan finally managed to splutter out the question. The woman’s face grew in confusion.

“I’m… Lucy, obviously?” She responded, with the same level of charming sarcasm that Ryan expected.

“But you’re… you’re like 40…” Ryan continued.

“Wow… charmed!” She responded, her offence somewhat genuine.

“Everything okay, champ?” Tom called out, catching Ryan’s attention. “Had too much to drink already?”

“No, I…” Ryan’s heart sank as he averted his eyes towards Tom. Tom was… also older. The slight wrinkle in his hands and face were present, and his hairline had began to recede, the colour of his hair dulling.

“Tom… I…” Ryan was struggling to speak, fiddling with his earrings (wait, he didn’t wear earrings?) as he stared at the pair. And a pair they very much were. Ryan noticed that Tom very much had his arm around Lucy, and very much not in a platonic way.

“Leo… are you seeing this?” Ryan turned to his friend in a search for confirmation that he was, in fact, not crazy. Unfortunately, he would get quite the opposite.

“Seeing what?” Leo responded, genuine confusion in his voice.

“What? Can’t you see… Lucy and Tom are…” Ryan paused, still piercing the pair with his gaze. “They’re…” What was it that was off about them?

“What is it, Ryan?” Tom asked in a concerned tone. Ryan couldn’t remember what was wrong. But something was seriously amiss.

“Lucy and Tom… are… dating?” He finally spat out his words. Yes, that was it. That’s what was bothering him! Surely this was a practical joke? I mean, Lucy and Tom had never been romantically involved in one another, and now they were supposedly dating? Ryan’s genuine suspicion was met with rupterous laughter.

“Dating? Surely you’re joking Ryan!” Lucy laughed, “we’re much more than dating, we’ve been married for 20 years!” She continued. Ryan’s eyes opened wide. 20 years? Married?! The young man glanced and, sure enough, a wedding ring adorned both Lucy and Tom’s hand. This wasn’t happening. Ryan’s breathing quickened as he began to panic again.

“Hey, you okay?” Came the voice of Leo. Bringing Ryan back to earth somewhat. Leo seemed the same, at least outwardly. Much to Ryan’s relief.

“No, I’m not.” He responded, breathlessly. “This is crazy!”

“I know.” Leo responded, oddly calmly. “How about you go sort yourself out in the restroom, come back fresh?” He continued. That sounded like a good idea, Ryan thought.

“Yeah… okay.” He replied, “I’ll be back soon.” He said, standing up.

“Don’t take too long, food will be here soon, so hurry up gorgeous!” Leo exclaimed after him has he walked away, Ryan rolling his eyes in response to the obviously sarcastic nickname. Then again, Leo was never the type for that kind of thing….

Ryan let the sink run as he washed his hands, reflecting on the night so far. Since when were Lucy and Tom married? They did well to keep that under wraps for so long. Guess they were going for the ultimate hard launch, he supposed. But then again, Leo didn’t seem at all surprised by the revelation. Why was he left out of the loop? Ryan’s train of thought was interrupted as he looked up at himself in the bathroom mirror for the first time. What he saw was… odd. His face was… rounder? At least that how it looked, anyway. And his hair… oh god, his hair. Ryan was disgusted in just how long it had become. It had been how long since he’d had a haircut? His locks had almost reached his shoulders! Ryan made mental note to book an appointment next time he had a chance, as he dried his hands and made his way back to the table.

“Oh, shit. Starters are here?” Ryan exclaimed as he sat down to a tray of food in front of him.

“Oh, don’t worry, we waited for you!” Tom reassured him.

“Oh, thanks…” Ryan muttered, embarrassed. Glancing at Tom, something felt off. Had he grown? Looking around to Leo and Lucy, he was quickly disproven. Relative to everybody else, Tom was the same size as before. More than anything, Ryan felt shorter? Was this a practical joke? Had everybody placed cushions on their chairs while he was in the bathroom? A quick glance at Leo’s lower half fast disproved that theory. How odd, pushing the thought to one side, Ryan began on the starter bowl of soup in front of him.

“So, Leo. How’s the internship going?” Lucy asked, making idle conversation over starters.

“Ah, you know, it’s going.” Leo responded dismissively.

“Is that all?” Lucy pressed, much to Leo’s annoyance.

“Yeah, I guess. It’s just a job.” Leo responded again, equally as dull.

“Just a job? You should learn to have more pride in your work!” Lucy was oddly stern on Leo. “Just look at Ryan! He takes his job seriously and he’s making great progress!”

“Thank you, Mrs. Walker.” Ryan took the compliment with a smile, before stopping.

“Uhh, I mean, Lucy.” He corrected, much to the amusement of his peers. Why on earth did he call her Mrs. Walker? He knows her name is Lucy! He’d never once referred to her so formally before. It was like she was a teacher or a parent or something. Maybe the alcohol WAS talking after all. Finishing off his soup, Ryan wiped his hands with a napkin. As he did so, he felt a strange sensation throughout his fingers. Glancing down, he noticed they appeared… thinner, manicured, more… feminine. They were complimented by the most gorgeous pink painted nailed. But… when the hell had he had those done? And why was he only just noticing them now, and…

“Any more drinks?” Ryan was interrupted by Tom. Indeed, the group was all finished with appetisers, and the men were finished with their drinks. And a quick glance to his right proved that Ryan was finished with his wine, too.

“Yes, please!” He responded, eagerly. With a nod of adknowlehdemnt, Tom stood and made his way to the bar.

*5 Minutes later*

“Another pint for Leo!” Tom joked, as he passed the new round of drinks around. “And white wine for the ladies!” He smiled, handing Ryan and Lucy a glass each. Ryan scoffed at the poor joke from Tom. Just because he drinks wine, it doesn’t mean he’s girly! Moving a strand of hair from his face, he once again clinked his glass with Lucy, before taking a sip. Placing the glass down, he noticed a small lipstick stain. How odd. It’s not as if he wore lipstick at all. Embarrassed, he quickly grabbed a napkin and tried to wipe off the mark.

“That happens to me all the time!” Lucy smiled.

“Oh, uhh, I know” Ryan mumbled, aggrieved that somebody had noticed his little mishap.

“I love your lipstick, by the way.” She continued, making unexpected conversation.

“Thank you.” Ryan replied, not bothering to dispute the fact he was wearing any. A quick silence followed, and Ryan paused. Was he meant to return the compliment? But giving the same compliment felt tacky? Ryan began to overthink the situation, what if she thought he was rude? Or disingenuous? And why did these things matter?

“And I… love your hair, Mrs. Walker!” He returned, pausing again. Why did he call her that again? He knew her first name, it was… he knew her first name! Strangely, this time, rather than small laughter like the first time, the group seemed to not react to his mishap at all? How strange. Thinking nothing else of it, Ryan continued with his conversation.

“By the way, Mr. Walker, I’ve been meaning to ask…” he paused. What was he going to ask? It had been on the tip of his tongue all night.

“What is it?” Mr. Walker responded, expectantly. What an earth was he going to ask? It was something to do with his job, right? But what did Mr. Walker do for work? He couldn’t remember.

“Uhhh. Nevermind, I forgot.” Ryan excused himself. Why couldn’t he remember Mr. Walker’s job? Matter of fact, why couldn’t he remember anything notable about Mr. Walker? He should be able to, right? He knew things about Mrs. Walker, like… he liked her hair? No, that didn’t count. But he knew things, like… like…

Ryan knew nothing about the two people sat in front of him.

He began to panic. Was he having a stroke? Was he dying? He was racking his brain, but nothing was happening. He turned to his right. Leo. Ok, good. He remembered Leo’s name, that was a good sign. Did he remember anything else? He knew that he worked in a bar, that was good. He remembered they met in said bar. Wait, did they? And he remembered the first time they kis…. Well, that didn’t matter, what mattered is that Ryan WASN’T dying, but then why was he having dinner with Leo and two complete strangers…? And who the hell were they?

“By the way, Leo, I received a letter meant for you the other day” Mrs. Walker stated, “I’ll send it through to you tomorrow.”

“Oh, thanks Mom.” Leo answered. Ryan furrowed his brow. Mom? Mrs. Walker was Leo’s mom? Which made Mr. Walker his dad? Ryan’s head started to spin again. If he knew Ryan so well, then why the hell could he not remember his parents? Surely they’d met a million times? Panicking again, Ryan knew he needed to get out of here.

“Uhh, I need to freshen up.” He excused himself, getting up as quickly as possible. “I’ll be back in a moment, babe.” He motioned to Leo. Wait a minute. Babe? Babe? Why the hell did he call Leo babe? Rushing off in a haste, Ryan stumbled away in his high heels (which he could have sworn he wasn’t wearing before) straight into the women’s bathroom.

Ryan stared at himself in the mirror for a moment, considering his situation. What the hell was happening? Why could he not remember Leo’s parents? Was Leo okay with Ryan calling him babe in front of them? Questions circled through his mind. Still, there were some positives. His hair had seemed to fix itself since his last visit. It now cascaded down neatly to his chest, just as he had styled it. Touching up his lipstick, Ryan couldn’t shake the feeling that something was… wrong… with his appearance. He couldn’t put his finger on it, but it had something to do with his dress. (Wait…) it just seemed so… baggy… around his chest area. But why? Examining himself for a moment, he felt underneath the fabric. Hmmm. His tits were there as usual. (That’s… not… right…) was he just overthinking it? His breasts had never been the largest, but they were still moderately sized (is it?) and now that he examined further, his dress seemed to fit fine. At least, on the top half. His lower half, ironically, was slightly tight. As if there was something there? Ryan pondered. Had he put something there and forgotten about it? These stupid dresses never have pockets, after all. But no, surely not. That’s not something that gi-boys do. Ryan looked around to make sure nobody was watching, before reaching down and feeling within his dress. Hmmm, nope. Nothing there! Just the same old vagina she’d always had! She was clearly just imagining things. Anxiety was getting the best of her, after all… oh god, was this dress too slutty? Did Leo’s parents think she was a whore? Did LEO think she was a whore? Ryan’s head started to pound again and she began to hyperventilate with anxiety…

“Babe…? Babe? Are you okay?” Came a deep, calming voice outside.

“…no.” Ryan replied, honestly.

“Come outside, and we can talk about it.” Leo said. Ryan stepping out of the bathroom in compliance.

“What’s up?”

“Your parents hate me already.” Ryan mumbled, holding back tears as she spoke.

“Babe, no. That couldn’t be further from the truth.” Leo reasoned.

“…you think so?” Ryan replied, calming slightly.

“I know so. Just be yourself and they’ll love you.”

“You promise?” Ryan asked.

“Promise.” Leo reaffirmed, the pair smiling at each other, before Leo leaned it and planted a kiss on Ryan’s lips.

Robyn melted at the touch of her boyfriend’s mouth, her heart fluttering with delight.

“I love you.” She coo’d.

“I love you too.” Ryan replied. “Now come on, we’re waiting for you, and our main’s are about to arrive!” Taking Robyn by the hand and leading her back to the table.

Robyn giggled. Excited for the main course. Besides, she already knew what she wanted for desert, and it wasn’t food.